Case of the Old Shell

As we evolve, we create a shell to protect ourselves. This is our own shield in life.

A shell serves as a boundary for the Self that is meant to withstand life’s lessons, protecting your most ‘vulnerable’ but allowing you to learn - giving you access to discernment for the future. Adding on to it is a must, but there is a balance to it as you never want to protect your Self too much as you may miss out on life. Meant to be impenetrable, it can be dismantled if you allow it to or life will break it in order for you to evolve, hitting your most vulnerable. My old Self no longer works for me anymore because life decided to shatter my shell.

Two situations in less than six months within this year, have shaped the course of my life forever. The first situation nearly compromised my financial standing while the other involved matters of the heart, which nearly compromised my own health. The first incident penetrated the shell piercing the Self while the latter finished the job of breaking the shell hitting the Self harder. The first situation created space for the latter to flourish so the effects were far more exaggerated than the first, but nevertheless my Self had been altered and the shield that was my shell was all over the floor. The shell cracked because I had never had something this extreme happen to me and did not know how to deal with it, exposing a level of vulnerability that I had never seen within myself; the second situation (it came in a new form) brought it all down as I too had never experienced something that intense. 

Both situations had and still have the potential to be traumatic, but it’s what I did and what I’m doing that I feel will help. I’m allowing myself to feel the rawness of everything in order to discern the lessons learned so I can create and rebuild a new me and a new shell. What was once old habits, thoughts, beliefs and behaviors to counter life's obstacles are now reduced to shards of glass. It's nearly impossible to reconstruct this and why would I try when my world has been forever changed? I don’t look at life the same anymore, so why attempt to reconstruct a broken shell that doesn’t match my current view of the world? It’s time to shake off what little pieces of the former shell are left and rebuild with new brick. Self-reflection will assist in this formation, but to say it is easy is an understatement as self-reflection is painful and challenging. 

I didn’t and I don’t want to run back to my old Self to cope nor find the pieces to create my old shell. I’d rather be vulnerable, raw and fully exposed for the time being. I didn’t and I don’t want to numb my feelings of hurt and embarrassment. I welcomed, wanted and want to feel the kick in the gut and the ‘wind’ sucked out of me from these situations. I welcomed and wanted to feel my back against the wall while watching everything fall apart around me. I felt, feel and want to feel the pain of rejection and all that comes with it. I felt, feel and want to feel the hustle and sleepless nights. I felt, feel and want to feel the sorrow of losing comfort. I allowed myself to drive around aimlessly and embrace the ‘daze.’ I’m human and of course I went back to my old ways out of comfort and bought a pack of cigarettes or ‘threw a lip’ to cope (even sipped a little) but even my body rejected these things as I got sick as a result.

Where is there to run?

Yes, I have family and friends but you can only vent so much and you’re still left with yourself. While I believe in a higher power, I did not want to begin to create a complex around It but instead rely on my own power - depending on how you look at it, you are of It and It of you. Painful as 'it' is, I’ve allowed myself to be honest with my Self and have ‘consciously’ walked in what seems like an abyss, for now.

I want to create this new version of me as well as my shell out of honesty and truth. I actually had a 30-minute conversation with myself to figure out how I’d even start, once again, being completely honest and open with my feelings even if it was embarrassing. Some made me blush, angered me, upset me, made me happy and even made me ashamed of myself. But I told myself, it’s a start. The shell of the old Self was riddled, and to be frank, I had held onto it long enough that even my body was telling me it’s time to change. The old shell had lessons learned from previous relationships with friends and lovers that no longer worked in this new space. I let it go. The old shell had lessons from things I once tolerated but will no longer tolerate in this new space. I let it go. I’ve gone through dark times, but I never actually went 'through it' as I was young, immature and created ‘habits’ (adding this to my shell) that numbed this. But now I’m open to the rawness of life as we all should be. It will only push you to what you actually and truly want out of this entire experience.

So I say to you, we all have events (whether they be good or bad) that will break the ‘old shell’ and will force you to rebuild, create, grow, etc. a new shell for you, as well as a new Self - but continue to move forward and evolve. Acknowledge the past, and as cliche as it seems, don’t look back. Be safe, gentle and kind to yourself in this process, but above all else be honest with yourself. Don’t numb these types of transitions as this is a critical moment to create a new part of you or in my case, rebuild all of you. Strive to create and assist yourself in developing this new version of you and do whatever it takes to see yourself through to the end – this goes for your life as well. Understand your lessons by paying attention to what occurred.  

We’re all here to evolve and to run back to recreate what was lost is doing anything but. 

Celactivist

After the shootings of Alton Sterling and Phliando Castille I wrote a status about fighting for the black community on one of my social media sites. Concurrently, I watched in real time my privileged bubble pop, the taped events dragging my complex to the ground and for the first time, gazing at my hands, realizing that they are killing people who look like me in the streets. Lives are being taken without due process. That within itself is unacceptable from a humanitarian standpoint. To not question it, or to find fault in the victim is appalling as everyone within this country should be outraged. To be submissive to the current systems is to adhere to the status quo and that will get us nowhere if we want actual progress. You accept if you're silent. I accepted, but I came to my senses. The dehumanization of blacks within this country is real. That my educational background and the way I spoke no matter made a difference within this country and for me to be silent was in essence to deny myself the rights of being a human being.

My status was a call to the black community to do more, especially if they were going to speak out against the injustices for the very community that supports them. We're fighting two fronts - to raise awareness against an oppressive system which will ultimately require a bit of foundational dismantling from an ideological and systemic standpoint, and in the interim uplift our community through strategy and mobilization. At the rate that the oppressive group continuosly tries, and for the most part succeeds in countering progressive behavior, we've reached the final act and it may be all out brutal. As an example of fighting for the community and requesting that people who look like me do more, I cited Beyonce, which by the vast majority of the American population, is counterintuitive to the god like figure the media has constructed. I implied that if she is able to make a marketable business off of a movement through her formation tour, I should see her in the streets protesting. I should see her on CNN or MSNBC speaking out. That stylized Instagram commentary or websites declaring a call to action were not enough for people who openly call her Queen, yet who are subjected to the cruelty of systems that she has been able to build a lucrative platform, business or album off of. No disrespect.

Quickly, some fans took to my status and wrote about her praise, overlooking my point further reaffirming my beliefs that were not all on the same page in the fight to mobilize and build our community. I should see and hear her do what Jessie Williams did, being unapologetic in his efforts to promote social injustice, realizing his platform and understanding that contributing to the status quo does no good for the community or himself given that all persons in this society aren't equally affected. Career on the line. Snoop and Game openly marched down to the graduating class of cops in my city to start some dialogue this month. So to all those worried about your brand and money, who look like me, it's time to be unapologetic and combine celebrity with activism on a different scale. Celactivist. Celectivism. Go above and beyond and get uncomfortable if your platform affords you to do so. To be quiet in these times is to pander to the community and appeal to the status quo when you cannot do both.

My influence is not as great as those three, but I even said that this fight for the community extends to myself, friends and family that also look like me - and I have unapologetically picked up the baton voicing my opinion to those who don't know what all of this is and have promised to constantly be vocal with plans to implement actionable items on my own accord within the coming months. This is a fight that will require all of the black community, no matter how big or small. But if you are of considerable influence, I expect more. I should see more. But it's not just her, as there are countless other black celebrities who have profited from the black community, repackaging and glorifying harsh realities to build brands, appealing to perception, only to ignore the communities that pushed them forward when they made it.

But I bring up another point. Long gone are the days where a celebrity becomes a celebrity and sits back to collect checks. Social media has transformed the world we live in indirectly and directly bringing celebrities to the forefront of social causes, consequently tearing down carefully constructed personas in exchange for realness. This is a different time. The spiritual awakening of a desire for tolerance, peace and love can be likened to the brief phrase started by black youths, "StayWoke". Mankind is being woke.

As a generalization, if a person is going to be a celebrity, they should strive to be an activist. It's no longer enough to just be known for your craft. It's what you do with your craft and how progressive you are with your communities and the world around you that matters. If you have a burning desire to share your light and gift to the masses, then you should integrate that desire with "doing good" and fighting for the masses - standing for something, unapologetically. I can speak for America when I say that we are a celebrity driven culture (look at the presumptive republican nominee). To use celebrity power in America is in essence to wield a considerable amount of power in a country that fawns over it. But to not use your power to implement actionable items to do good when you knowingly have glamorized or brought light towards an issue, is contributing to the existence of cultural norms that have done more harm than good here. Because if you are not willing to go above and beyond to use your power, your career will end. People are done playing games. Tired. Done being conditioned. So to watch others operate under the conditions that have brought them insurmountable fame and success but silenced their voice, is to watch suicide of a career.

Another example, after Orlando, you couldn't even hear a word from some of the biggest celebrities. The community that was attacked and who continually supports these various artists (some would say without them would be nobody) shelling out hard earned money to watch them share their light watched these celebrities fall silent with no support at all. Whether it be out of fear or loss of endorsement, a celebrity should tread lightly if he or she isn't cognizant of the times nor communities that push them forward; as the fans are seemingly growing distressed with the silence and vague, albeit non-committal verbiage displayed on the internet and social media for support in tragedies. The world is hurting in its shift towards respect for one another. We don't need people standing by. If you're not going to do anything about it, sit down and be quiet and let the others get to work.

Celactivist. Use your platform to roll up your sleeves and do good. Get dirty. Combine your celebrity with actual activism. Get in the streets. Instead of telling people to click and call your representative, go down to Congress yourself. Get creative. Pick a cause and fight. It's no longer enough to embrace endorsements. Sure we must all eat, but explain that to the ones who are dying in the streets unaccustomed to the lives you have that they've directly contributed to, and most likely will never see. What I've learned in this day and age is all it takes is for one meme, post or status to strike a chord with public sentiment and overnight a career can end. Dealing with the politicians is another story as it seems the level of apathy towards the functionality and understandings of our own government is reaching a peak - the consensus being society finds entertainment more satisfying since many feel powerless in a country where our old, grown, adult and educated representatives can't get it right. Look beyond your art and shift the dialogue. Get in the streets and fight. Start somewhere. But fight. And to influential persons within my community, do more. Don't hide anymore. Don't donate in silence. That is the worst offense you can commit at this time. I ask that you be unapologetic and be as loud as possible. We need to hear it, but above all else - we need to see it.

What Isis is teaching me about Belongingness

Isis is going to keep doing what they’re doing, and they’re going to keep doing them hard. They are not going anywhere until there's a monumental shift in our way of thinking as they’ve been able to tap into a mindset and dare I say, a spiritual one. No matter how many you kill, there will be others popping up as these people have committed to something higher than themselves. It is a spiritual gang that capitalizes on the concept of transcendence. However, for every negative, there is a positive. In the quest to meet myself, Isis is teaching me to commit to myself and to know my own worth; that to think on one’s own accord is the most important thing that we all should do in order to combat damaging influence that comes from all walks of life.

As human beings, whether or not we choose to believe in God, idolatry, rituals, etc we've all at one point questioned our purpose and what we're all doing here. While some choose to accept that life is a fluke, others tend to believe it divine, believing in a higher power. If you believe it is divine, it is probable to assume that you believe in purpose; and if you believe in purpose, one might suggest that you believe in committing yourself to something bigger than just yourself. I am one of these people, choosing to believe in a higher power or energy and committing myself to something bigger than just myself. Because of this, I am susceptible to different forms of transcendence and my reliance on the natural human desire of belongingness can increase.

Great Spirit, The Divine, Universe, God, Energy. Whatever. God is love. I strive to commit myself to a higher purpose, transcending my ordinary self to reach my higher self in order to become selfless and become in tune with my God-like nature through the Universe. Transcendence and belongingness can be blinding, and as I've stressed before, if you believe in God and are not willing to question It or introductory courses to It, formalized forms of transcendence can evoke fear tapping into basic instincts of survival, shutting down a willingness to be open and enabling a strong desire to belong to something even if it is bad for you spiritually. Fear has a propensity to activate the fight or flight mode, reducing a mind to its primitive state, reducing the ability to think logically for one’s self, further subjecting that person to be subservient to a system, person, group or people. Combined with ignorance, a person is no different than a squirrel searching for a nut. I do not fear the divine because I believe it's in me and in all of us. To fear it would mean to fear my friends, neighbors, lovers etc. So no.

What I fear is losing control of my ability to think for myself. To not question and to not have energy or care to understand more; To be too afraid to be alone and desiring to be a part of something to feel some type of worth. Transcendence is a blessing and a curse as you long to be a part of something bigger than what you are. The selfless attitude to commit to something larger than yourself doesn’t just apply to religion or spirituality but also can be applied to gangs, school groups, family or even the workplace. You understand you are so small in the grand scheme of things that you are willing, able, and in some cases ready to die for something great and to serve for something great - even if that goes against the grain of what society defines as normal.              

Isis has taken people from my generation and in doing so has masterfully tapped into this transcendent attitude and belongingness that we all share (which is prevalent among the youth). Commit yourself to something, even if it seems impossible. Belongingness is a basic human function as we all try to connect, usually with those of similar attitudes and beliefs whether or not you believe in a higher power. But we all can become blinded and begin to not think for ourselves if we do not question and just accept - furthermore, if we don't even know who we are. From the outside looking in, it's probable to assume that those joining Isis have no idea who they are and the love that they have for their own well-being is limited and reduced to text and rhetoric projected by onto them by others; That these people do not think for themselves, nor do they question, they accept.  But I had a moment where I questioned my own self. The luxuries of understanding my own worth and the ability to question my surroundings and beliefs was encouraged throughout my adolescence. Respectfully speaking, I did not grow up with religion or bowing my head to an ideology, but could I have fallen victim to such extreme organizations such as Isis without this, given basic human desires of belongingness and a desire to commit to something higher than myself? The only thing that separates me from them is my attitude toward my own existence and myself. I’ve felt the desire to belong to something. That’s a basic human emotion. I’ve also felt the desire to commit to something higher than myself. Transcendence. We believe in a higher power and we believe that we must be selfless in our efforts to carry out our purpose by committing to something bigger. The connection is the same, yet the approach is different – and that is truly terrifying given the similarities. Before you pass judgment, you should question your own ways of thinking. But I wonder, how do you counter this?

Belief in yourself first is crucial before you begin to serve others and commit to transcendence or something bigger than yourself. That means understanding who you are and your own power before giving yourself up to something greater. That means being able to quiet the human emotions of belongingness and being content with your own individual experience. The answer really is in you. You should always rely on yourself and not create complexes to soothe fears. When you have belief in yourself, love for yourself comes next. When you love yourself, all you want to do is share the love you feel inside with those around you. Formalized transcendence doesn’t have a hold on you as there are no such things as divisive labels, rituals, organizations or thought patterns to obstruct your train of thought and desire to keep meeting yourself at all costs. The feeling of loneliness and belongingness is met with acceptance as you realize that being content with yourself and having love for yourself is okay – even when you can’t find others to connect with. You won't fall victim to rhetoric or fear as these things will merely slide off your back because they only tap into your primitive mindset. Above all else, you won't be easily swayed.

Watching the video of the suicide bomber being gunned down in the Ataturk airport and then detonating himself made me see that primitive aspects in our race are alive and well. God is not hate. God is love. And if you had respect for yourself and believed in yourself and questioned things continuously, you would understand others. When you have love for yourself, it's only natural that you want others to feel this way as inflicting harm will naturally be completely void. If you want to commit to something, commit to yourself first.

I’m becoming desensitized to the violence in the world. To be frank, I’m annoyed by it. This group (and it’s not just this group) is truly annoying and to see them waste their energy on plotting to kill is fascinating to watch given that they operate as if we’re not meant to evolve. I find it hard to believe that no one thinks to ask, “Why am I doing this to begin with?” as they strap a bomb to themselves and fire assault rifles in the crowds of people who most likely wouldn’t even hurt them and are trying to get through the day, just like them. But what strikes a chord are the people that are doing these types of killings are for the most part, of my generation. My generation is the most tolerant and accepting generation thus far - and the change is just beginning as there is a desire to rid oneself of old frameworks because they simply do not work anymore in order to move forward with humanity. To see the youth fall victim to old ways of thinking whether it be inflicted by past generational mindsets or old scriptural texts is truly unbelievable. It’s devastating to watch these young people believe in these things while you never really see the elderly going out of their way but simply taking claim on the attack. Just food for thought.

Until then, you hope you won't live to see any of the carnage that these people and other groups will bring and are set to bring, but realize that this is the time you’re growing up in – and will most likely die in. Perhaps Isis' existence is to prove that mankind is in dire need of a fundamental shift. That in order to move forward with this great experiment called humanity, the labels, walls, and borders need to come down and we all need to get on the same page -- and that is love. But as long as I have love for myself, and I'm able to think for myself before belief in other “things”, I’ll be alright on this journey called life.

7 Questions I asked myself if Trump became President

As he descends on California for the primary, securing the nomination for the Republican party and further fanning the flames of Crooked Hillary, I began to play devil’s advocate. Watching the rise of Trump, I’ve begun to question my own beliefs within this country. I took it upon myself to ask myself questions and answer honestly how I would behave if this man became our 45th President, as it seems this is no longer a joke. I cannot count how many times I’ve heard a friend mention, “If he wins, I’m moving to Canada”. Whether they are joking or not, I’ve always thought to ask, “Why wouldn’t you stay?”. It’s a simple question that sparked my own belief, as if I loved my country, I would earnestly stay to fight for its values and ideologies. A nation works on the belief of the people. If people stop believing in the nation, than it no longer works. I’m not voting for the Orange Carney, but I felt it necessary to see how a polarizing figure would affect my being as an American under his presidency.

 1. Would I be hesitant to call myself an American when asked?

Yes.

It goes without saying that the leader we elect to run our country represents the core values and beliefs of the country. The leader is the country. The world itself sees the selection. To say I am an American under a Trump presidency would be an embarrassment. I do not stand for intolerance, especially when it targets the minorities of those within my country. His rhetoric, unequivocally is not representative of my own beliefs nor conducive to what the system has taught me given that “we are all created equal” (even though this is continually questioned). Furthermore, whether or not he's pandering to his demographic, I was told throughout my educational training (the system) within this country that the Presidency of the United States is a prestigious position and that this person is leader of the “free world”. He’s managed to create a spectacle out of American politics elevating it further than what the Tea Party could ever dream of, running a carnival of a campaign, taking it to a whole new level of clownery or for lack of better words, fuckery. That goes without saying, history may shed a different light on past Presidents as the correlation between prestige and those that held the office are questionable, however the flagrancy of Trump in a social media albeit transparent world is appalling. That even if this is a joke, or game that he’s running, what person in their right mind would preach divisive comments such as Mexicans being rapists and think it's okay?

2. Would I view him as an entertainer or a President?

An entertainer.

An entertainer is a shape shifter and can be forgiven time and time again in an effort to sustain mass appeal. He's an American entertainer. The ones of the most recent notoriety, popularized by the epoch of social media typically provide no real substance. We value it. We consume it. Look at the family in Hollywood with the woman who launched a career with a sex tape and created personalities that have been going 10 years strong? Furthermore, a day was just created in Minnesota for the woman who just dropped an album named after a fruit drink talking about black lives mattering; (because it’s a hot topic in 2016) but three years ago she capitalized on feminism and did not really seem to give an opinionated stance. Today’s entertainers have made it clear that the importance of universal appeal far outweigh the grievances of those that pay for their livelihoods; and that pandering towards grievances is far more important in order to maintain universal appeal. 

With each entertainer, it seems as if we can see its manufacturing, yet our fault lies in reading into their fabricated realities and not being able to separate beliefs from manufactured appeasement. It is their job to appeal to the masses in an effort to maintain relevancy and in doing so, they have been given the most praise by our culture who seem to have different priorities on what an actual contribution to society looks like. I couldn’t even tell you because I myself do not know. However, because I view him as an entertainer, I’m liable to react to him as such and merely view his stance on anything as fleeting and questionable – since entertainers have an increasing tendency to exploit movements, and not provide actionable insight as to how to execute the movement from Point A to B. Entertainers are meant to entertain us. No different than a court jester seeking applause. Without our affinity for them, they have nothing, which is why they fight so hard to stay in our good graces. It’s quite laughable how the media has begun to actively question Trump’s indecencies towards the opposite sex when in actuality, no one will care due to the fact that Trump is a fantastic entertainer. If we like them, they can and will always be forgiven, easily.

Between his twitter antics, his nicknames of other candidates and downright piss poor mockery of certain American citizens, I’m tired of this entertainer. The other day, a Trump article, popped up in my feed. It addressed his stance on increasing jobs in America. Beneath it was a BuzzFeed analysis on how Blac Chyna secured a spot in the Kardashian household. Trump is an entertainer that currently irritates me. Rather than be inundated with the fuckery that can come with many entertainers and celebrities, in particular Trump’s, I instead chose to skim an article on how an ex-stripper managed to gloriously come on top of a family notorious for social media antics. While a small action, this is huge in the sense that my own energy and quest for knowledge had drifted elsewhere because I view this man as an entertainer and media hungry, not something of worth. I overlooked his stance on an important political issue. I did not care, which can be implied that I did not care about the issues of my own country. But alas, he's a Presidential nominee, and by our system and what we've been taught, a Presidential candidate and a Kardashian are polar opposites.

To call Trump presidential or for starters, a politician, degrades the labels that are meant to be esteemed positions in our own government. Giving him these labels degrades the term more than what the Tea Party, Junior’s Administration, Cruz’s Government Shutdown or Rick Snyder has done. However, labels are powerful, and to go so far as to give him that title is doing a disservice to future generations in terms of the amount of respect that will be given to the term and future leaders by those that come after us.

3. How would I view the office of the Presidency if he won?

 A joke.

I would no longer take it seriously. The highest most prestigious honor in our country has been degraded as a person knowingly goes against the fundamental principles of a country based on his rhetoric and beliefs. Furthermore, the Orange Carney ranks as big a risk to global stability as terrorism* threatening not only his countrymen, but nations outside of America. It’s not enough for him to surround himself with top cabinet leaders to execute on world affairs, when his true colors were shown once he began spewing vitriolic statements prior to his succession of Commander-In-Chief. Coming from a military background, you stand behind your leader. For the good of the country, naturally I would want to support my leader but aside from ranking as a global threat, how would I be able to support someone who has made a complete mockery of his own people? I don’t trust him with my country, and with no trust, there is no support. In the case where I was to defend him and my nation when people are against us, I would look like a fool defending a man who blasted Cruz’s wife via Twitter in comparison to his. A fool. But this is an entertainer, not a President.

 3. Do I trust the American public to make informed decisions?

The Orange Carney could burn the American flag on camera and finagle a wide-eyed group of my countrymen into believing it was an accident.

It’s his show. I'm torn, but given the recent rise of his candidacy and the amount of coverage he's received by media outlets, which pander to the love of drama, I'd have to say no (at the moment). We are and will forever be emotional beings. Mastering our emotions is the one thing we can control, yet facing ourselves is the hardest to do. If people understood self worth, as simple as this statement is, no one could be swayed by incensed rhetoric in which Trump used to masterfully tap into the fears and insecurities of people within this country. From a logical standpoint, if people understood history, we wouldn't repeat atrocities and facts would override personal judgment. If we dig even further, if people were educated, would he have the following he has?

The Orange Carney strongly appeals to poor white people, historically speaking, a rather raucous group that has continually been a thorn in the side of a nation that tries to progress with the many cultures that continually help shape this land. This group (my countrymen) has a tendency to tactlessly mobilize their grievances through a mix of hate and blame unlike their wealthy counterparts of the same group that have gained a reputation of stealthily, systemically strategizing ways to suppress; pandering to their poor counterparts that they are of at least some worth in comparison to the minorities of this country. The Orange Carney taps into this brilliantly, manipulating their grievances through a myopic lens. I observe from the petri dish how they chant Make America Great Again, but America has constantly always worked in their favor especially if they were male.

The lack of education in this country mixed with an affinity for entertainment is a lethal concoction. Anyone can take to the stand and deliver garbage, and if a nation is not educated, history will repeat itself and this will not be the last time.

 4. What would I think about the word Government?

Mess. 

If you’re a millennial and live in America, you’re lying to yourself if the word itself doesn’t draw a negative connotation when you hear it. Or you just don’t care because at its current state, it seems impossible to fix. Or you may actually believe it is serving the people. Or you’re broke and unable to pay student loans. I can go on. One thing we can all agree on is that the veil of America is coming down. This young country, albeit experiment, is trying to right its wrongs and in doing so there is a desire to purify and eradicate cancers. Under a Trump presidency, if how he is behaving now carries over into his presidency, the word Government is indicative of the word mess. But maybe this could be a blessing that this country needs? Turning the establishment on its head and waking the politicians up that claim to be working for us yet want to shutdown a government (and still get paid). Perhaps it will mobilize the young to wonder why the older people in office (who seem to be far removed from this generation’s ideologies on tolerance) are still being elected to Congress and essentially left to govern a future that they most likely will not live to see, nor are particularly aligned with? If the GOP can’t even seem to rally behind their own elected leader, it may be hard for me to associate the term Government with Productivity.

5. Who do I blame?

My own ignorance.

It’s easy to shift the blame on our elder’s who have consistently demonstrated what it takes to run a country. When you don’t get your way, you shutdown the government; Openly mock the sitting President; Create bathroom laws against Transgendered; Allow for a Recession, etc. I could toss the blame to the heads of programming for the amount of airtime Trump received as it seems the uneducated gravitate towards the television medium for insight. But all of that’s too easy. Trump’s rise is due to the lack of education that is extremely pervasive within this country and the way America prides its elites. America prides itself on competition, especially in education, so much so that where one goes to school has the power to dictate one’s own fortunes within this country -- and in America, fortune is everything. With that being said, education is a must. Coming from The Wharton School, I’d be lying to you if I said that we weren’t groomed to be the 1% based on the salaries that my friends received out of school; along with the culture fostered during On Campus Recruiting; and the mystique and reputation from the media. I competed with sons and daughters of the elite from around the world and within our own country; some of which didn’t even need the education -- the belief being that you go to college to get a job to support yourself.

There is an unspoken word, albeit myth, that separates elite universities from the others in our country in that our worlds will forever be different from our countrymen. One can attribute this to our network being extremely powerful in the sense that it can propel us beyond the normality of what a traditional college education offers its graduates, professionally. But being groomed in this bubble, and to implicitly be taught that our education is of significant worth over others, does us a disservice and only hurts the progress of our country if we do not understand our own countrymen. In doing so, we are buying into a system that pulls us further apart from understanding the inequalities in education and our own people. Our worlds are never separate as we are all in this together, inextricably linked to furthering this country and even humanity itself should we chose to. We become blind to the fact that the vast majority of the people that make up this country do not attend these schools that are weighted so heavily in American society. But is that my problem? I’m not ashamed of where I went. I worked hard to get into that school. I tapped into the individualistic attitudes of this country that the American way of life is a competition. I played and play by the rules. From an American POV, this is how we’re all groomed.

But I am guilty of being ignorant. Buying into the perception that our worlds would forever be separate and that my education somehow outweighs others in my country; ignorant to those who didn’t have access to the resources and faculty I had, warped my own reality. If I received one of the best degrees for undergrad business, I should be mindful of the tools and resources I had access to and realize that not all people have this nor will ever have this. But to go on behaving in an individualistic way as if this is how the system is and will be is false. There are other forces at play, and I while I may ace the SAT’s, SAT II’s, ACT’s and high school, I am the dumb one for not realizing this at 18 when I entered that school. In the end, I don’t win. There’s a reason why The Orange Carney tosses my alma mater around to his crowd as if to show them, he knows best, when in actuality an education received by an elite university, can produce a bigot. Yet they gobble it up because who are they to know about a world that I had the luxury of walking through, as did Trump? Education is a necessity and states as well as the nation should teach this at all costs for the good of the country. When this isn’t done, it fosters a culture that will be forever separate in views of progression and give rise to more Orange Carney’s.

6. Will the population be fragmented?

Americans and the Other Americans. What does each mean? Which do you think is which? It can go so many different ways.

7. Do I believe in America? 

If I’m hesitant to call myself an American, I subconsciously am disassociating myself from my country. There is no such thing as a person who takes pride in his or her nationality yet is hesitant to proclaim their ties. If I view my President simply as an entertainer, this goes against the grain of what the system has taught me about attaining the highest office in our country. I'd have a propensity to be apathetic towards the actual operations and understandings of my country and blindly subject myself to other sources of entertainment, viewing the Orange Carney as such.  Giving him a label as a politician or President for that matter, further devalues my belief in the term itself. If I view the office of Presidency as a joke, the symbol of my government, then I have no more respect for the established institutions currently in place. If I can’t trust my people to make informed decisions, then I no longer trust that my people believe in what our country stands for. If I believe the word Government draws a negative connotation already, what makes me think productivity will increase under a Trump presidency given his statements and the actions of his own party thus far? If I bought into the individualistic attitude that this country perpetuates; And I see ignorant people voting for a clown on principles that go against what this country stands for, then how can I further understand the disconnect that my own education has unconsciously created? Let them be the way they are and I’ll be me. Our worlds separate. Progress is at a standstill.

Multiply my sentiments expressed in this article by millions within this nation as I’m sure I’m not alone. I am the future of this country.

But Americans always have a way of bouncing back. As the veil begins to drop, perhaps this is what our country needs to begin to see things more clearly.

*(EIU economist intelligence unit - http://gfs.eiu.com/Archive.aspx?archiveType=globalrisk)

What if death was taught in Kindergarten?

What if death was a part of the school curriculum starting in Kindergarten? I'm talking about having to learn about the reality of death relative to the human experience (with the exclusion of religious teachings) in Kindergarten? You would have your ABC’s, 123’s, personal development and lessons on existence; existence meaning that death is inevitable. Is this done? Since I’ve hit 27, I’m beginning to realize that I’m not invincible. My bones ache, I notice lumps in unusual places and my body is beginning to be worn as I have now developed arthritis in my right ankle. I’ve since decided to be good to myself and cut out many vices, which included coffee, alcohol and tobacco.

Waking up on that cold morning in San Francisco on January 30th, 2016, hung-over and officially 27, I said to myself it's another beautiful year to be alive but I'm one step closer to death (if I should die of natural causes). Morbid, but true, I actually began to be proud of myself that I made it this far. That my heart still pumped, that I fed myself accordingly (with the help of my parents for nearly two decades), and that I had managed to hopefully provide little to no damage to my body due to my vices (the verdict may still be out on this). It got me thinking that at any moment all could be lost. All of it could be over. I don't know how much time I have, but I want to enjoy it. I couldn’t even muster the strength to go explore San Francisco that morning because I was too hurt and still somewhat lit from last night. Being in a beautiful city, unable to explore I had a realization and said that's it with alcohol. I wanted to run sharp from here on out.

But what if I had been taught early on about my own existence? How one day, it will all be over? In the lessons between numbers, cursive and the Pythagorean theory, even religion; What if I had a course throughout K-12 on existence that taught me about life and that it is made up of moments, love, and being content with yourself because here you are finite? We’re all doing this thing called life, but why do we shun away from the next chapter, which is death? The first lessons on actual death are in middle school where you learn about drunk driving, substance abuse, STD’s, etc. but never when you're 5.

The first taste of your existence is usually a written exercise that asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Imagine if it read, "You're going to die one day and will be gone forever, so what puts a smile on your face?” Would a teacher actually teach this to someone and have the courage to stick this on the wall? Dare I say during Parent-Teacher night? I don’t think this is too deep. But if you think so, I’d rather it be deep than shallow as the first question has the tendency to force a child into an “occupational box” from the start. At least with the second question, it starts the child thinking about his or her own existence from what they actually feel. Now imagine having questions addressed in such a way throughout their youth with the underlying theme being death? Life and how to approach it, may look different.

The question would be tailored to the age of the child, especially as they approached independence, but the child would always walk on this earth knowing that they were deteriorating and that this would all be obsolete given the underlying theme of death. These questions asked in the classroom, where kids spend most of their childhood, would probably produce greater meaning in their lives and cause them to question the meaning of their surroundings. They would be forced to deny this notion of invincibility and instead live for what they want to do with the limited time they have. They may take better care of themselves and show great moderation in experimentation. A contrarian could argue that all of this could backfire, appealing only to hedonistic tendencies but I would argue that constantly being stimulated by pleasure only leads to the numbing of the pleasurable action. You’ll still be searching once the pleasure dissipates only to grow tired of chasing these feelings and begin a quest to find something of greater meaning.

 If kids are taught about their existence at a young age, and are shown that we all meet the same fate, would tolerance increase given this is what actually unites humanity? Would we be happier? Would we fight even more for what we really want out of life? Could the government of a country run effectively? Would people begin to walk and take pride in their own light? I don't know. Maybe I would've ran again for Vice President of my elementary school after losing by seven votes in 4th grade. We’re all finite here and you have nothing to lose ever in life until you've lost your own.

Waking up that day; cold, hung-over, and hungry, I had a realization that in all my 27 years of existence, it was time to start living. Imagine if I would’ve been taught this earlier.

Go through it

We are all making everything up in this life. It's all pretend. There's no sense in worrying over things that have no weight to them unless you feel it does. This is why when I go through something rough, I just tell myself I have to go through it. Just tell yourself you must go through it, because for whatever reason, this is the way you wanted it. This is what you wanted to experience. It's meant to shape you into whomever your supposed to be in this life and to assist you in what you're supposed to do. If you're going through what you deem a troubling experience, treat it as such. An experience. It will pass. Tell yourself, "I have to go through this in order to go to the next level." Life isn't going to stop unless you want it to. Don't you want to see it all the way through?

5 things that happened when I left my religion

My first introduction to how my world came to be was through my religion which is organized. It provided me the basic fundamentals of compassion and understanding for others along with planting the seed of seeking to discover my self. As I grew older, I realized my understanding of what my world actually is was through finding the courage to understand and continually develop my own self and walk in my own light. If you care about the world, you must care about yourself first and constantly seek ways to develop your self by any means necessary. This only came about once I began to let go of my own religion. As a result, my world began to expand and I began to develop even more compassion for those around me and began to understand these things:

1.    I wanted to keep learning

My aim is not to limit myself in this experience, but to have a strong desire to learn and experience what I feel I’m supposed to with respect to life. There are continuous levels in understanding yourself at your core, and it’s no different than an actual education system. If you’re fortunate enough, you are able to go to kindergarten; elementary, middle school, high-school and college. After, you take your learned skills and apply them in the real world, hopefully learning about yourself but being open to new solutions to fulfill the experiences you desire for your own experience. I believe organized religion is one of the first steps, or an alternative introductory course to understanding your own existence, but I find it limiting. I don’t want to stop my learning experience there. I want to keep graduating to know myself by any means necessary. This can include teachings around other religions, philosophy, science, esoteric, etc.

 2.    I saw the influence of man

Anything produced by man is susceptible to emotion and error and should be questioned as no answer is necessarily right. From sexualizing God and calling him “Father”; to favoring one sex over the other or being force fed “influenced imagery”, man has had a great hand in my religion. I come from the Western world. For the most part, there was one religious figure that was force fed to me with white features irrespective of the typical traits of the his actual origins. There was a disconnect in the acceptance of him and a desire to actually know who this person was as their actual being was a reflection of influencers of a particular part of the world. As a result, I sought out the history of him rather than listen to what I was told and what I saw. These observations led me to understand that man’s own world is highly subjective and can influence my own understanding of the world subconsciously. I learned it was and is important for me to not just accept, but to find out more. 

 3. I sought tolerance

Divisiveness creates a space where assumptions can live and stereotypes can form. The end result is a complete misunderstanding or even fear of an individual/group that bleeds the same as you. While we create identities to make sense of the world around us, we subconsciously or consciously create barriers. The only barrier that isn’t, is love and when we have love, we have tolerance and respect. Through its figures and rituals, my religion introduced me to love but this feeling of love is innate and after I felt I had learned what I needed to, I graduated with the intent to understand love from different perspectives. Every barrier constructed by man is susceptible to error. Barriers will always be dismantled as I believe we subconsciously push towards love in all areas of our life. Love is the only force that can tear down walls. Now more so than ever, I believe we are tired of the violence and realize that there really is no other way. But it will always start with you first. 

4. I embraced the gift to question

This is the gift that makes us all human and it should not be wasted nor should we be afraid to do it. I asked and continually ask “Why?” My religion does have the ability to create fear but the real fear is not being able to have an open mind. Because it is organized, I believe that it can limit a mind from being fully tapped. I was brought up not to question God or the religious figures that I grew up with as this was wrong. What’s wrong is not being able to question your livelihood and to develop your own understanding of yourself for yourself. To act as if there is only one solution to seek enlightenment is limiting in every bit of the sense. 

5. I began to question what am I seeking?

I always keep coming back to myself. If you look around you, all of this is made up. We create our own worlds. But in the process of creating my world, what am I looking for with respect to fulfillment? Do I even need to be fulfilled? Do I need to believe in something in order to do this? I, like most people want meaning to my life and this experience, but what does it look like? What do I have to do to find it? My gut tells me that it always comes back to me; that only I can deliver myself this something that I can’t even explain. But perhaps this is a never-ending quest and is one of the greatest mysteries of life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop because that would be limiting.

*I’d like to note, these are only my opinions reflective of where I’m at in my own life - and that organized religion has done great things throughout the world

A solution for being lost at sea

Being lost in life is an experience that we all share. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. Hopefully you experience it while you’re young. I believe we're all making this up as we go along, so it's only fitting that if you are in charge of your ship with no map handed to you; you will get lost at sea. Naturally, we seek direction and want to be on the right path. But when we're lost at sea, or worse, lost at sea and there's a storm on the horizon, there's a desire to push our ship through at any cost to get back on track. When our ship doesn't progress, we sometimes turn to distractions to fill the void, causing it to sink or worse, stay lost forever. I've learned if I trust myself, when all seems lost, I do one thing. I anchor my ship or stop sailing. I sit still even if that incoming storm is set to hit me dead on. This is how I manage life and is the only way to move forward.

In these moments of being lost at sea, the pain and suffering can be unbearable, whatever the situation. We make hasty decisions to push forward but the incoming storm winds push us back. We try to push through it again, but our grit and force only causes the force of the wind to push back harder. We seek another route as the pain and sense of hopelessness is so raw, that in our desperation to get back on course, we now seek comfort. We lean towards religion, friends, family, work, girls, guys, old habits, vices etc. These outlets have the ability to guide our own ship but only you can take yourself out of your situation. This is your experience. This is your ship. Seeking comfort is fine, (all in moderation) but how long will it keep me from making my own decision to help me navigate these waters? I have no desire to prolong this experience, however, I’ll treat it as such.

When you’re lost, sit still. The route will reveal itself. Know what you want, then take a step back and anchor your ship or stop sailing. Trust that the storm will pass or the answer will reveal itself before the storm even hits. Sit through the rawness of this experience to gain insight and make the much needed changes to your map for your next destination. It's okay to be tossed and turned and thrown out to sea by a storm if it's coming your way. Swim back to your ship, learn a lesson and stand a little taller. This ship belongs to you and you should fight for it. It stays afloat as long as you let it. You'll be tempted to sail back, creating unnecessary distractions and re-chartering an already chartered course, but why go through what you've already sailed through? Why even create another experience when you know in your heart this isn't right?

It's okay not to enjoy the feeling of being lost at sea, but sit still. Embrace it. When your ship is still, the best route presents itself to you when you're ready. A storm may toss you out but it does not have the ability to break your ship. If anything, it will make it more durable and able for the next adventure, because at the end of the day, that's what this ship is made for. 

8 ways to find yourself in your 20's

To meet yourself is the most important thing to do. You have to find yourself first in order to do this. That's what your 20's are for. It's the first time where you begin to test life as you begin to figure out who you're all about. But it doesn't stop there and isn't supposed to stop there. 

Here are 8 ways to find yourself so you can meet who you actually are:

1. Sit with your feelings

Sitting with your feelings allows you to grow mentally and spiritually. Treat the bad feelings like the flu and know that they will pass if you take care of it. Embrace the good feelings as if they will last forever knowing that they will soon go away. By not blocking your feelings, you can allow yourself to meet yourself by seeing what you are willing to live with and live without.

2. Follow your energy

Your energy is an impulse that leads you to who you are trying to become. Even if you don't know what your purpose is, you have one. These impulses will guide you and the more you do Step 1, the more you will be able to understand what feels right or wrong. Following your energy will continually introduce you to new versions of yourself as you advance in life as they always put you in uncomfortable situations for growth. Fear is defeated by energy which allows you to keep meeting yourself.

3. Laugh at yourself

Laugh at yourself. Period. Life is an experience and if you cannot do this, you will burn out quickly.

4. Realize the power of labels

We need to be true to our designs no matter what. Your design is your innate self and who you are. It is you and all of the things you love. The world will try to tell you who you are with labels but that is not you. If you associate with labels, they will block you from meeting yourself.

5. Ask "Why?"

The greatest gift we have is to ask "Why" and to question. When you ask Why, it pushes you forward. We're not meant to stay in one position. We're meant to learn and progress even if we don't like what we find. This is a journey to meet yourself and the Why introduces this.

6. Keep an open mind

When you have an open mind, you're able to embrace other thoughts and opinions which will help you advance in your journey to meet yourself. New solutions and new outlooks on life give ways in how to meet yourself. A new thought could be the catalyst to see yourself more clearly.

7. Appreciate what you have

When you are appreciative of all the things you have, nothing else will worry you. With practice, this gives space to appreciate yourself and meet yourself. 

8. Operate with love

Always operate with love. You have experienced love and do not need another person to show you this. When you operate with love, everything clicks and it feels right. There is no second guessing. When you meet yourself, you find there's nothing but love. Only love can show you this and this is the only way to actually live.

I've already died before

I tell myself this when I encounter something challenging. Whenever we encounter something challenging, albeit small or big, comfort does not exist. It can be crippling. We try soothing techniques such as breathing or visualizing the color blue, but sometimes it is not enough. I tell myself I've died before. Depending on what you believe, you may believe this too. It helps. Once you begin to conquer a fear that is as loud is death, life gets quiet and you can keep moving forward.

Value in being sick

Since arriving in LA I can say my body has not been able to adapt to the people and the weather. I've gotten strep twice; a cold; and my allergies are acting up as a result of the smog. In the process I've learned to maximize each day even more as I do not know when the next incident may occur. It's pushed me even more to execute.

In Transition

It's a feeling in life where you're suspended in the air. You don't really care about what's going to happen but you can see the pieces below. You don't really know how the pieces are going to fit but you know something is working itself out. There's no worry at all. All you have to do is keep moving throughout the day and showing up. That's my headspace right now.

A Journey To Meet Myself

I'm hustling to meet myself before I die. This is a never ending cycle. When you do this, you maximize life at each second. The only way to do this is to follow your journey. Just follow your energy and do what needs to be done. Nice to meet you. Stay tuned.